What job is right for me?

I, like many of you, don't know what I want to do with my life. And I, again like many of you, have parents who press the issue.
"What are you doing with your life Adam?"
"Have you found yourself a good job yet boy?"
"Don't let your Grandpa die thinking you're a loser Adam. Prove him wrong and validate my parenting skills to the old fart"
It's a lot of pressure as you know.
So since the holidays are fast approaching and I don't want to be the disappointment for yet another year I've been putting my nose to the grindstone. I've been looking high and low for that job that will give me the respect of my family. But, fuck that, I don't know what I want to do. This is tough.
That's why I was so happy when my buddy told me about how his Guidance Counsellor helped him out a lot on choosing his career path. So I made myself an appointment and went down to see one for myself.
I got into the office and said, "Hello Mr. Rubinski I need your help. I'm not sure what I'm doing with my life. I've heard you can help."
He then told me to call him Tom. Sure seemed like a nice approachable guy. Tom told me that it's really life and all the clutter and outside influences that mess a guy up and get him off that track that's right for them.
"Oh?" I replied. Then Tom told me to just think back to when I was a little boy and what did I want to be then.
I got it, I understood what he was getting at. I said, "Oh I see now. When you were growing up you wanted to be a Guidance Counsellor."
My meeting was ended abruptly. Tom kicked me out of the office, he said he had something in his eye and needed to wash it out real bad. It must have hurt a lot becuase I could hear his sobs as I walked out of the building.
Still no help though. When I was growing up I was a small kid and got pushed around a ton so I wanted to be gravity. Everyone has to obey gravity!
You want to test me? I'm gravity, you better grab on to a tree fucker, I'm gonna float your ass into space.

P.S. hang in there Gramps. I'll do ya proud one day.