Time on your hands?

Hey you know what's a good way to pass the time?

Masturbating!

Yeah, it's fun and it feels good!
Over the years I've gotten pretty good at it. I know just the right buttons to push, sometimes I like to change up the speed, grip, and intensity, but I never leave myself unsatisfied.
I remember being real daring back in High School. I gave the "hello stranger" a try. If you don't know what that is, that's when you sit on your hand until it falls asleep and then you jerk off and it's supposed to feel like someone else is wanking you.
Well yeah, I remember one day I was walking around the house and popped some wood so I quickly sat on my hand. It takes a while to make your hand fall asleep and it doesn't feel good. So finally when my damn hand was numb I had lost my boner. Ever since it's been like the one that got away.
Two days ago I accomplished this elusive goal. I must say, I truly give myself the best hand jobs. Way better than anyone else, including me pretending to be someone else.