Hey Steve!

If your name is Steve or Steven/Stephen please read this carefully. I beg of you, take what I have to say to heart.

From this day forward I will no longer call any of you "Steve-O". Save for the exception that your last name starts with an "O", then I will do it, but I reserve the right to not be happy about it. The rest of you can go fuck yourselves for the following reasons:

1. If I wanted to call you something other than your real name I'd choose something shorter. Steve-O is longer than Steve. Doesn't make the grade right there.

2. There are already too many Steve-O's out there. I'm doing you a favour.

3. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY should be allowed to pick their own nickname. I don't know of any other name out there that insists on being called by a stupid nickname more than the Steve's of the world.

Now, if you insist on being called by a nickname I will call you "Skippy" or "Spud". If you complain about that, then you get a more confusing and less enjoyable nickname along the lines of "Toenails" or "Fingerpaint". Complain again and I'm just going to have to kill something you love