hubba hubba... NOT!

The Playboy Bunny is a symbol recognized around the world. It is a sign of a very successful company, and of amazingly beautiful women. For me it has become a sign that a boner is only a few pages away.
Now my world has been thrown for a loop. Playboy has really dove head first into merchandising and their logo can be seen on all sorts of products.
And I ask, why do all of the women I see wearing the playboy items make me want to gouge my eyes out and my penis just wants to run away?
All my life I have been conditioned to associate the "bunny" with fantastically beautiful women. Now when I see the bunny my dick starts to stir, it's a Pavlovian response. But when my eyes adjust and I take in the whole image of the ghoul wearing the XXL Playboy tanktop that is still two sizes too small I feel cheated and nauseated.
I haven't put in the research hours, but I'll bet you that these gals I speak of also own a Nascar Shirt that they wear on laundry day. Or at very least a John Deer t-shirt. Proving they are a part of the upper crust of the human pie.
Hey Playboy! You're muddying the brand and scaring my penis. Fix this now!

Also, to the fat girls. Now that I've got your attention I'd like to say you can stop taking those photos of yourself where you hold the camera up from your face at an angle and only show down to your cleavage.

Sure, it still fools me every time. But with people tagging people left, right and center on facebook I'm going to see the rest of you sooner or later. I think it's best if you just stop lying to yourself with those photos. But more importantly if you stop lying to me and my penis with those photos -- we don't like being tricked.

Here comes Peter Cottontail.

I'm sure many of you heard all of the Santa Claus scandals over the Christmas season.

In case you hadn't, or you'd like a reminder, here you go:

- A department store Santa was fired for saying "ho ho ho"; Santas' trademarked laugh, right? I guess not any longer. "Ho Ho Ho" has been deemed demeaning to women.

- Santa has been the target of fat jokes for years. And it's only getting worse. Parents are blaming him for setting a poor image for children.

- Christians are blaming the popularity of Santa for robbing children of the real meaning of Christmas and the story of Jesus Christ. (What's the big deal about some Mexican?).

All kidding aside. This is serious business. It may seem foolish now, and like good fuel for silly jokes. But these are issues that affect our youth and our world.

I mean, just look at the Easter Bunny! It wasn't that long ago that his slogan was, "Fuck N*ggers and F*gs". And people didn't bat an eye! But that's because olden day people were racist and unaccepting (just talk to your grandparents for proof). The world changed and so did Easter, now it's a fun holiday with eggs and chocolate and junk, and best of all, the Easter Bunny is mute. If that racist little fucker can't say anything, he can't be offensive.

Food for thought folks. Here's to a skinny and respectful Santa Claus in '08.