Joshua Hoffine

I noticed a few days ago that a friend of mine had posted a little piece about this artist. I never felt like reading it, simply because I am not a fan of reading, but I decided to this morning. This man is an awesome artist, the imagery he is using to capture childhood fears...is even creepy to me now. But he really does capture everything that we all were afraid of when we were younger!

Here is a little sample of what he does!





There are many more than just these two, to see the rest go to his web site www.joshuahoffine.com

Enjoy!

Source: Joshuahoffine.com

YAR!

Some of you may not know this about me, but I have a lazy eye. Have since I was real young. I was looking at that twirlymajigs parents hang above their kids cribs and ol'lefty said, "Damn man. This is too much work, I'm going on break".
Fuckers' been slacking off ever since.
So around the time I was three or so I have had to wear glasses. Then half way through kindergarten my folks took me to a new optometrist. And this guy was an out of the box thinker. He was cutting edge. Break trough ideas every day. He decided, "Well shit, we should put a patch over the right eye."
Yeah, smart dude. He figured that putting all the pressure on the lazy bastard in the left socket would fix the situation.
Back then I didn't know as much about being cool as I do today, but I knew that a 5 year old wearing an eye patch was not going to be the envy of the school yard.
My mom tried to help out. She told me,"Don't worry Adam. You're like a pirate. The kids will like your patch."
The children at school were not convinced of my new found coolness. Apparently pirates did not wear fleshy coloured eye patches. Thus, I looked nothing like a bad ass pirate. I looked like a disfigured cyclops. A fucking lazy-eyed cyclops.
Looking back on it. I think the optometrist was a sadist. He was a twisted asshole. Good thing he wasn't a real doctor.
What would he have done if I had asthma. "Oh don't worry Mrs. Karppinen, just tickle him." "Hey little guy, looks like you broke your arm..." BOOM! Kick in the balls.
I hate that man.

The Worst Xmas Song Ever!

The absolute worst christmas song has to be "I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus". It's just terrible and wrong.
Think about it for a minute. There is a small child, probably 5-8 years old and they catch their mother making out with a stranger. Then instead of being pissed off at the hussy for fooling around behind Daddy's back, they sing a song about the whole ordeal.
If I ever have kids and they catch their Mother kissing Santa (me in a costume) I'd want them to sneak downstairs and smash that fat bastard (me) in the spine with a chair. Then they should call their Mom a "bitch" or a "cheating whore". That'd make me happy.
I know they're between 5 & 8 years old and that kind of language and behaviour is probably not right for a youngster, but I say you are never too young to know it ain't right for Mommy to make out with anyone but Daddy.
Adultery is not a proper topic for a childrens song, especially around Christmas time.