Like Columbo, with a hangover.

I am a beer drinker. I enjoy the taste, and I like the way it makes me feel. But sometimes I can drink "too much".
Who says it's too much?
I don't. I just get to pretend I'm a detective plunked down in the middle of a mystery and I have to examine interesting questions and clues.
Like say, "Where am I? And how did I get here?"
"Why does my head hurt so much?"
"Who is she?"
"What's he doing here?"
It's usually pretty easy to piece together. But sometimes you find clues that raise more questions than answers.
"Why would someone write "Penis" on my face?"
"Hmmm... There are papers in my wallet. Why did I go to so many ATM's?"
"Why do I still have this condom in here?"
"Is she clean?"