Dog Fights

Everyone knows that Dog Fighting is primitive and anyone who watches or condones it is pure evil. It is cruel and unusual, people like Mike Vick should be fed to dogs for their crimes.

But you have to admit that it'd be a different story if they slapped a pair of shorts and some boxing gloves on the dog. That'd be rather entertaining wouldn't it?

No! It's not. The dog just gets pissed off, tries to chase its tail, trips over the gloves then gnaws on the gloves. It's not even that funny to watch.

Point being, no form of dog fighting is ever acceptable.

The More You Know * With ADAM!!!!

The Chow Chow is a dog. It's all puffy it really does look fat and lazy. Also its tongue looks like it was drinking blue slushies all day long. It's not pink, it's like a purpleish blueish thing. 

Whenever I drink a lot of blue slushie I always poop a vibrant green. I'm not sure if the Chow Chow shits green or not, but look at its goofy-ass tongue.

My best friends girl.

It started last Halloween. I stood across the room from him, staring. He looked so sad so pathetic, he was utterly miserable. My girlfriend had dressed my dog up as a Cowboy. I couldn't imagine how he must have felt.

That was until I looked at Tiffany, dressed up as Raggedy Ann. Which meant I was the jack-ass dressed up as her "Andy".

Fuck. My dog had a cooler costume than I did.

That was the day I began to suspect that she actually liked him more than she liked me.

I mean, she takes him for nice walks in the park. She just makes me watch shitty movies and spends my money.

She comes over after the dog has been laying around all day and rubs his belly. I come home from work and ask for a back rub and she tells me the sink is clogged.

She has seen him drink right out of the toilet, but she still lets him lick her. She catches me drinking milk from the jug and then refuses to use any of it or even pours it in my clogged sink.

He pisses on the floor and she scolds him with a, "Bad boy! Look at what you've done!" I pee in the toilet and she wakes me up at 4am to call me an "asshole" for leaving the seat up. Heaven forbid I should fart in bed, even while sleeping. That gets me a solid elbow to kidneys. But I've seen her calmly pick his turds off the floor with a Kleenex.

He humps her leg and she pushes him aside and laughs it off. I hump her leg and she tells me I'm too drunk and have to sleep on the couch.

If you're wondering, I'm single now. She left me... and took my dog.

Mans Best Friend.

One year when I was young my parents bought be a dog for my birthday. They said it was to teach me responsibility and some jazz like that. I didn't really care. I had a dog. That kicked ass, until the responsibility shit came into effect.
My parents expected me to clean up after the damn thing. It crapped a ton. After some hard work I managed to convince Rufus it was a good idea to do that outside.
Problem solved right?
Nope.
My Mom and Dad got mad at me and said that I'd have to go outside and clean all the dog turds up. I had to go pick them up and put them in the trash can. That is not a fun way for a young boy to pass his time.
That became a regular chore and it sucked. I hated it. So one day I had a brilliant idea. I was going to make my crappy job a little more enjoyable. I dumped a pack of crayons out into the dog dish. Lil'Rufus had tie died shits all week. Picking those colourful butt nuggets up made the job a little less unfun.
Rufus also died at the end of that week. I learned a valuable lesson about love and loss. My parents learned that I was not fit to care for another living creature.