Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Fountain of Youth

Wanna feel young again? Here's a few techniques I came up with to make yourself feel youthful and carefree again.

Have a co-worker say Lettuce and then spell CUP. They'll inadvertently ask to see you urinate! Hilarious.

Have a friend pull the sides of their mouths out with their index fingers and say "I was born on a pirate ship!" They'll think they're bring all cool and piratey but what they'll actually be saying sounds a lot more like "I was born on a pile of shit!" Make sure no grown ups are around cause you could get in trouble with that one.

And last but not least, pick a person of the opposite sex, stare at them, and then start mouthing the words "Elephant Shoes". They'll become so embarrassed at the fact that it looks like you're saying "I love you" to them, that they might even shoot milk out of their nose! And to get really adventurous, stare at someone the same sex as you and hope that they don't beat you into a bloody pulp!

I hope you can all take the time to try one of my patented techniques out during the Christmas holidays. And I'm sure you'll all thank me for being able to transport you back to a simpler time in your life, a time when shit like this was funny.


Anonymous said...

I read this then found my roommate and we did the thing with our hands where you put them together and spread your fingers and put your hands interlocking at the middle and spread it. hahahahaha.
It's funny cuz it's supposed to look like a vagina.
I still have no clue if that's what a vagina looks like. I took a look at a real one when I was a teenager and it scared the shit out of me. So since then when I get near one I just try to stab it to death with my meat sword.

dummy said...

try looking at a member of the opposite sex and mouthing along side the words elephant shoes ," i want to vacume" this could either get you into a heap of trouble or a heap of shaved clam. play it cool hot shot