Tuesday, November 11, 2008

hubba hubba... NOT!

The Playboy Bunny is a symbol recognized around the world. It is a sign of a very successful company, and of amazingly beautiful women. For me it has become a sign that a boner is only a few pages away.
Now my world has been thrown for a loop. Playboy has really dove head first into merchandising and their logo can be seen on all sorts of products.
And I ask, why do all of the women I see wearing the playboy items make me want to gouge my eyes out and my penis just wants to run away?
All my life I have been conditioned to associate the "bunny" with fantastically beautiful women. Now when I see the bunny my dick starts to stir, it's a Pavlovian response. But when my eyes adjust and I take in the whole image of the ghoul wearing the XXL Playboy tanktop that is still two sizes too small I feel cheated and nauseated.
I haven't put in the research hours, but I'll bet you that these gals I speak of also own a Nascar Shirt that they wear on laundry day. Or at very least a John Deer t-shirt. Proving they are a part of the upper crust of the human pie.
Hey Playboy! You're muddying the brand and scaring my penis. Fix this now!
Also, to the fat girls. Now that I've got your attention I'd like to say you can stop taking those photos of yourself where you hold the camera up from your face at an angle and only show down to your cleavage.
Sure, it still fools me every time. But with people tagging people left, right and center on facebook I'm going to see the rest of you sooner or later. I think it's best if you just stop lying to yourself with those photos. But more importantly if you stop lying to me and my penis with those photos -- we don't like being tricked.

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