Friday, February 2, 2007

My cereals may be dull but my shoes are flamboyant!

I turned 25 a few days ago and, since I've been home all week with a bum ankle, I started doing a little self introspection. I wouldn't go so far as to call it soul searching though I do plan to continue doing that. I'll find that damn soul someday. No, what I was doing wasn't serious enough to be considered much of anything.
It did have a serious start, what with me trying to figure out what the Hell I'm doing with my life but quickly devolved (de-evolved?) into the usual brand of "entertaining only to me and maybe Adam" style of thought. I could see the cereal stash from the couch and started studying it. Let's see: Raisin Bran, Fibre One, Shreddies, All-Bran, Multi-grain Cheerios, and, the wild child of the gang, Apple Cinnamon Cheerios. That's a health conscious bunch. At least 3 of those could be found in the cupboards of old people concerned with prolonging their life. Looking at them, all I can think is, "When the fuck did I get so boring?"

Suspending reality for a minute, if you cut me in half, you would see a series of concentric rings similar to those you would find in the trunk of a tree. Rather than the usual procession of light brown/dark brown, these rings would be a harmony of pastel and primary colours from all the cereals I've eaten whilst growing up. There's your standard shades of Fruit Loops or rather, Froot Loops seeing as proper spelling was tossed to the side once they added a fourth colour. There are miscellaneous blue rings from all those times Kellogg's and General Mills got riske (French hat over the e) and hauled out the forbidden blue food colouring. I realize blue isn't so forbidden now but I am a child of the 80's and back then blue foods were considered taboo. I have another rant about this and blue Kool-Aid but I'll save that for another day. Also in this veritable rainbow are bright red Crunchberry rings and bright purple ones from Frosted Flakes. I realize that technically those should be brown but I've always imagined it turning purple in my stomach so that's how it's going to be. Remember, we left reality's well beaten path and started blazing our own a while back.

Those are not healthy cereals. I'm surprised I didn't get diabetes from eating all that crap. My pancreas would take yours in a Death Match. I guess that's only if the pancreas is responsible for insulin. Which it might not be. I forget. Anyway, You could look at these rings and as they got further from the centre, the colours would start fading until it was looking just like a tree. Our study done, we may now put me back together with no ill effects and slide down to reality again.

"When the fuck did I get so boring?" I know those cereal choices are much better for me than the sugar frosted death crunchies of old but they're so dull! So grown up! And you can't put a cartoon character on a box of Fibre One because it makes other people uncomfortable. What would you even put? A poop with racing stripes and a watch? That's just irregular (yes that's some pun-like wordplay). Even the Honey-nut Cheerio Bee can't go on other boxes of Cheerios. People with no imagination would call him on it. "Hey... bees have nothing to do with apples or cinnamon... what the Hell are you doing here? Get out of here Honey-nut Cheerio Bee!" and then he walks away slowly, lonely, and probably having suicidal thoughts.

I guess we weren't quite back to reality.

Don't get me wrong, these cereals do taste kind of good but it's a different kind of good. I'm just lamenting the lack of fun they suffer from. In the end, I suppose I have to accept the fact that, while I am an adult and I can eat whatever I want, I am an adult and will die a young death unless I start following the lead of seniors everywhere and eat dull, earthy, and healthy cereals.

I refuse to start stealing Senokot though.

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