Poor People

Have you ever noticed that dirty/rubby poor couples will make out no matter who is around. Just out in public they'll randomly stop what they're doing and start sucking face.
Don't believe me? Go to Wal-Mart!
I swear, deals must turn them on.
"Hey bitch! Check out how cheap the Charmin is!"
"Da-amn, that's the good stuff!"
"Yeah, lets make out"
Right then and there they're grossing me out.
That's why I've never gone into a Giant Tiger. I hear they've got fantastic sales. I'm afraid of finding some dirty broke-ass couple humping beside a rack of half off sweat pants or something.
I don't understand their logic. I mean, I get it you're poor. The world isn't that kind, fuck it right?
But I mean if I was a broke ass dirtball standing in line at McDonalds and my baby-mama came up and said, "kiss me lover" I'd have to say something like, "Fuck off. I don't feel sexy right now! Can't you see I can't afford sleeves! ..... What dollar deal do you want?"





...."We're sharing a water"

Cellular Telephones

I used to think I was awesome, cock of the walk, cream of the crop, king in the castle etc. Every one of my friends had at one point destroyed their cell phones. From stepping on them, to burning them, to throwing them to dropping them into toilets. I had never done this. My phone was 3 years old and in great condition. I had no real need or urge to replace it as my friends had done many times before. It's a slippery slope you walk, when you're friends with my friends. One day your phone's display is acting up, the next, you're dropping it into a schooner of beer so that you can chug said beer and drop the phone onto the table... cell phones are expensive.

Bust A Move!

Breakdancing is an example of something that is fun to watch, but would confuse the fuck out of me if I was deaf.

Grade 6

Grade 6 was a good year.

That was the year I pee'd down the slide at the school for the first time.
It was so liberating. Such an unbridled act of rebelion... It also cleared up a question that had been nagging me for the previous 5 years.
It was like when you have a song in your head and you just can't think of who sings it. But only when you finally think of the artist you don't feel happy, you just feel unthinkably filthy.

I have a lot of time to think

And I figured out a few things.

1. I really like lemonade, but you'll never catch me drinking it in the winter. That's a delicious summer time only drink.

2. Too many guys wear over sized white sunglasses. Men should never wear women's clothing or accessories. Unless it is for comfort or to make them feel confident, but that mainly applies to panties.

3. My toe nails grow remarkably slower than my finger nails do.

4. If we grow old enough we can look forward to being afraid of escalators; Old people seem to hate them.

5. I tend to forget peoples names right after being introduced to them. I can only assume I am meeting terribly uninteresting people.

6.  My cup of coffee had a warning on it. It said "Caution: Hot" on one line. The line below said "& delicious". I knew it was hot, it could burn me. But I also figured it might be delicious.
I spent my morning flirting with danger.

A Generation of Wussies

I found this on Sherdog.com...

"Manliness in danger of extinction

By Zach Parks

I pump iron, because iron-pumping is manly.

I returned to Oxford after a long winter break to find that my gym had been taken over by idiots. Every January these collar-popping pansies pollute my gym in hopes of gaining last-minute beach muscle in time for spring break. Then, by March they're gone. This futile attempt to reverse a semester of binge drinking is turning my palace of testosterone into a combination of TRL and the Mickey Mouse Club, this annual phenomenon also illustrates the general lack of manliness in today's society. Kids these days lack the sufficient couth, persistence and sportsmanship to maintain a grueling, manly year-round workout. These girly-men need to get the hell out of my gym.

I miss days of our grandfathers, back when men were real men.

Back then the game of dodgeball was played with rocks and the game of dodgerock was played with knives. I miss the days when everyone was a badass.

Somehow between then and now fate decided to take a steaming hot dump all over Darwin's grave as a generation of salty war veterans gave way to a generation of scarf-wearing vaginas.

It hurts me to think that for years society stands idly painting its fingernails while icons like Clint Eastwood are replaced by wieners like Ryan Seacrest. If these generations of manly men were still alive they would spit tobacco juice in Ryan Seacrest's face and then make him wash and wax their Trans Am.

Back in the good old days things were much simpler. Back then you could walk into a caf and not be totally confused. This is because back then it didn't matter if you were trying to order, cappuccino, mocha latte or espresso they were all called the same thing, scotch.

Back then four out of five doctors recommended smoking. This isn't because of doctor's ignorance to the dangers of smoking. This is because lungs used to be much more manly. Lungs used to be a manly shade of black instead of a girly shade of pink. But these days our lungs have devolved into an advanced state of weenie-ism making us incapable of enjoying rich tobacco goodness.

When manly men aren't eating pieces of shit like you for breakfast they're eating sausage wrapped in bacon, wrapped in more bacon and topped with a fried egg, and they wash it down with a glass of bacon grease, topped off with a doctor recommended cigarette.

Look at any grumpy old man and the first thing you'll notice is that he smells like a medium-sized pile of garbage that is sitting on top of a large-sized pile of garbage. This is because of years and years of stink that has built up from a combination of bare-knuckle boxing and bare-knuckle lumberjacking.

Wimps, weenies and vegetarians are ruining our great nation. America is on a downward spiral, we've got a fever and the only prescription is scotch, red meat and lumberjacks.


original:
http://www.mustudent.muohio.ed..."

I'm gonna git you!

This morning...

...started a little blurry


maybe my lunch will wake me up and make things a little more clear for the afternoon.

mmmm......

My best friends girl.

It started last Halloween. I stood across the room from him, staring. He looked so sad so pathetic, he was utterly miserable. My girlfriend had dressed my dog up as a Cowboy. I couldn't imagine how he must have felt.

That was until I looked at Tiffany, dressed up as Raggedy Ann. Which meant I was the jack-ass dressed up as her "Andy".

Fuck. My dog had a cooler costume than I did.

That was the day I began to suspect that she actually liked him more than she liked me.

I mean, she takes him for nice walks in the park. She just makes me watch shitty movies and spends my money.

She comes over after the dog has been laying around all day and rubs his belly. I come home from work and ask for a back rub and she tells me the sink is clogged.

She has seen him drink right out of the toilet, but she still lets him lick her. She catches me drinking milk from the jug and then refuses to use any of it or even pours it in my clogged sink.

He pisses on the floor and she scolds him with a, "Bad boy! Look at what you've done!" I pee in the toilet and she wakes me up at 4am to call me an "asshole" for leaving the seat up. Heaven forbid I should fart in bed, even while sleeping. That gets me a solid elbow to kidneys. But I've seen her calmly pick his turds off the floor with a Kleenex.

He humps her leg and she pushes him aside and laughs it off. I hump her leg and she tells me I'm too drunk and have to sleep on the couch.

If you're wondering, I'm single now. She left me... and took my dog.

...to read any good news on the newspaper page

I like to know what's going on, I like to keep up to date on current events. So I read the paper and watch my local news. But it's really getting redundant. US election, war on terror, US election, war on terror, blah blah blah BORING! All I'm saying is, can't some kid fall down a well or something?