Thursday, October 18, 2007

Hi there, How's it going?

Can someone please tell me when the handshake became so fucking complicated?
When did this simple greeting turn into this ridiculous choreographed ballet, or in my case a confusing and scary hand raping?
These days I never know. I reach in, hoping for the good old grab-up-down-up-release. If that happens I'm a happy camper. But for some reason that is not enough for people. They've got to twist my hand around. I'm commonly caught in some strange thumb embrace. I've had a guy slide his hand away, as if I were "giving him some skin" at the end he snapped his fingers.
Once these maroons finally let my hand go I think "finally that awkward embrace is over". But that can be a premature thought. The release is often just a part of the dance, they want you to come back in for more. Typically a bump, or to "pound it".
So I say to all those whose hands I may shake, "You are not the Fresh Prince and I am not your DJ Jazzy Jeff! Up-Down-Up-Release! Have some class."

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